censorship of the arts

my whole life has become a long list of ***** ***** which make me stand up and st*****, names which cause me to convulse when i see them on **********, in the theatre, in ***ms and in books. a list which means that when i **** down the road i have to cat** my breath, believing of course that i have just **** what i want to see. a list which means i cannot interact ****ly with my *****, for fear of reminding them that * ****t. this reminder for them will not be the same knee **** reaction i get when i am at the bus stop next to * **** **** ******** ****, watching a trailer for the new ******** ***** film or catch a glimpse of a **** with a white blazer on. for them it will be a regular breath, maybe even a cr**** on my behalf, but nothing of the ***** i get when i see them in the ****** and realise it isn't what i *****.