found this on my computer from 22nd January 2014. don't remember writing it.
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I'm so hard to handle.
I'm selfish and I'm sad.
She's got this silly way of talking to me like I'm her best friend or a pal, which makes me feel cross but also slightly nauseous. I'm not too sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, because it basically means I'm in the friend zone which is a place I don't want to be. Not because I see a romantic future for the two of us, I just think it's dishonest to have an ex lover as a friend in such a relaxed, benign way.
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I dream of days in the countryside on the overground train lines. Instead I whizz past victorian townhouses built in tall terraces for the industry coming to london, I drift past new builds, council buildings, purpose built flats and the occasional patch of green. Let's build up, and not on this green. I like that. Separating the green from the brown.
I am on this train as I am every day, coming into town, coming out of town. It wasn't meant to be like this. But thankfully the days are getting longer, and we can rejoice in the changing of the seasons.
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