strange time in my life

I imagine looking at you at the train station
and when I see your face
in this imaginary scenario,
I close one eye to look at you.


I’m not sure if it helps access the creative side of the brain
(or whatever).
If by closing an eye it’s easier to imagine you in front of me
rather than these cherry blossom trees,
blooming in the wrong continent,
inferior to the ones I saw in Japan.

Or maybe it’s because when I think of seeing your face
I know I’ll literally screw up my face in real life
and look at you through one eye
because your beauty is too much
to take in with both.

I guess we’ll never know.
I’ll continue to write poems on my phone when I go out for sunny afternoon walks down roads I haven’t visited for decades.
I’ll continue to make coffee every morning until that day.
I’ll refuse milk in my drinks but not explicitly explain why.
I’ll get drunk in my favourite pub in the evenings.
I’ll chat shit to all and anyone who will listen.
I’ll be frightened of cars, bumblebees, honey bees, wasps, heights, my glasses falling off.
I’ll list these fears and they won’t get bigger or smaller.
I’ll exist.