writing

i spoke to Benoit and Sarya about carrying around my little black book and writing things in it. they both said that they had both tried to do something like that themselves, that they had both tried and failed. i said that i understood, that i too had tried and failed in the past. it was for some unknown reason that this time i had tried and it was two years later and still doing it. habitual, perhaps. the nice thing about it is that i don't have to do it everyday. i can go without writing a word in that book for weeks, and it's fine. it's fine because i know that one day there will be something that i want to write down in it, and it'll be right there.

sometimes, though, it does make me feel a bit nervous when i don't write anything. i am feeling nervous now and it has been since saturday since i wrote a thing. i guess i do it when i think i should be writing something in it, something i don't want to forget or something. i guess there are epic poems i could be filling it with, but that is another story.

despite this nervousness i have come to realise something. the nervousness was that the more i say here the less i want to say there. but i was totally wrong. writing here is nice because it is with a keyboard and a computer, whereas writing there is with a pen and a paper. there is something intrinsically different with the two crafts. one is such a visual and immediate experience, so aware of every word, of every spelling of every sentence, of every thing that is written down (pen and paper) and the other is a sub-human experience, forgetting about space and time and just somehow mixing the cogs of the brain with fingertips and fusing the two together (keyboard). one goes through the conscious, thoughts, the front of the brain, and the other flows directly from the back, without any cross through the "everyday".


in other news:

one hundred percent fact

this place makes me feel weird, but i'm not sure if i know why. rememberings, forgettings, the old, the new. suppose i wasn't here long enough to get used to it at first, so we'll see. probably as soon as i am here i will have to go back. keeps us on our toes.