strange time in my life

Dear you,

Do you remember when you fell asleep on our brand new bed? I feel scared about moving to that new place, but I don’t know why. Sometimes I think that everything I see or do is doomed. Sometimes I think that the doom just lines itself up with the seasons, so it only ever lasts for six months at a time. I am not sure how this fits with some of my past mistakes. Those started in the summertime. But maybe that’s just a nice time of year to fall in love. When I look at old pictures of myself I feel so embarrassed, mainly about the clothes I decided to wear. I have made so many mistakes, and it’s so easy for me to shut them away, when I should speak them out loud. What was it that Cedric said? That he’d spoken to Joey who said people had told her you didn’t like her? How come it can be so complicated when it could be so simple. Time feels like it’s running out but it always does when you write a letter. Things change when we write things on the computer, or with our phones. Have you ever not been able to sleep because you were waiting for a reply? I am sure you haven’t because you seem to fall asleep so easily. But I remember a time when I was in a different time zone and I received a message during the night. It was one of the worst nights of my life. That was a time in my life where I cried so much. There have been several times in my life when I have cried so much. I think what I am trying to say is, is that time coming again? No, that is not what I am trying to say. What I am trying to say is hello to someone I used to be. Or someone I used to know. Who knew that instant coffee was so disgusting, who knew that I would still drink it all these years later. I wrote a love letter to my friend but she ripped it up in front of my face. Now things are never the same even though I stuck all of the pieces back together. How will it be when I see her again? Who will I be then? I am worried about that and so many other things. In December it will have been way too long. In December it will have been not long enough. Time is running out, let’s speak again soon. A nice idea, I guess.

- A